Mother
by Nymyrra
Summary: As Gaara's mother lies dying, she holds her baby in her arms, trying to protect him from the cruel unhappy world.


_Author's Note: This is from the point of view of Gaara's mother, Karura, as she lies dying, Gaara in her arms._

_Please remember, Karura is dying of blood loss and loss of chakra, as she has been used as the sacrifice to seal the demon Shukaku within Gaara. The story is written incoherently, to echo Karura's thought patterns. _

_Thank you._

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**Mother**

My baby.

In all the world, is there a bond more powerful? Than the one I have with you?

My . . .

My _baby_.

The one I held, bloody and wailing, in my arms, as what life remained within my torn and shattered body flew to the seal upon your newborn skin, coiling in black translations; the bars that hold the demon within. The one I held, flesh from my flesh, warmth from my warmth, our voices one and intermingling, echoing in frantic screams about the room. My blood embracing you, smearing me, the metallic wetness soaked into your hair. Clothing stained with crimson tears.

What had I known, when the labor pains began, and they brought me to this white sterile hospital room, and etched black runes upon the floor? What had I known when the candles were brought out, arranged, lit with care about the teakettle? What had I known when my husband would not meet my eyes?

Oh God . . .

If only I had _ran_ . . .

Before the pain caught me, paralyzed me, drew from me incoherent wounded sounds? If I had ran? Better to bear you, my little one, upon the sand, where black winds would scold us and the white moon would gaze down, blank, indifferent, uncaring . . .

"Karura!"

. . . but no . . . my little one, I'm so . . . so sorry . . .

"KARURA!"

Why are you yelling me name, calling to me? I'm dead, I know it, they know it, you can't reach me . . . the woman steps back, the ritual completed, your evil ritual, and the teakettle lies abandoned, empty . . .

So distant: "Karura . . ."

Your hair, you have my mother's hair, so red, even when I wipe the blood away . . . my hands are shaking . . . and I am shattering inside . . . I am so fragile and I am shattering inside . . . oh, God, the _pain_ . . .

The black rings upon your skin . . .

What had they done to you, your parents, your village? Sealed a monster within your body, innocent and new? My baby, they've blacked your eyes, the marking of the tanuki demon . . . oh God, could I . . . if only I . . .

. . . but no . . .

"You did your duty, Karura, you've saved this village . . ."

Don't touch me . . .

Your eyes, they're squeezed shut, you're wailing, I'll never see your eyes, you'll never see mine. What sound is that? Is that my scream? The pain . . . red, distant, a structure of brightness and crystal, of fear, locked away from me, from whatever it is that Karura is . . . what soul have I, to be so disconnected? . . .

. . . I'm dying . . .

. . . I'm _dying_ . . .

I hold you . . . I won't let them have you . . . not my baby . . . oh, God, how they've betrayed you . . . me . . . us, both. Victims, both of us, my baby. My God, you've hurt my baby . . .

You've . . . hurt my baby . . .

"Karura, forgive me . . ."

Forgive? . . . what a word, to catch my darkening thoughts, as all goes black . . . forgive . . . you, you've hurt my baby, my innocent one, how dare you . . . I hate you . . . kill him, my baby, destroy this village, what good is life and love and marriage vows when power stands tall? . . . temptation . . . ambition . . .

My toddlers . . . my growing ones, daughter, son . . . I will never see you live . . .

Temari . . . Kankuro . . .

Just dreams now; the reality is cold and wet, and sound in the air.

This moment, here, this is eternal, my lips to your brow, oh precious one, please don't cry . . .

Cold, cold, and wet . . . with my baby in my arms, kill this man who leans towards me, arms outstretched, kill them all, show them all! What love? . . . what love is death? . . . love yourself, look at these faces, these cold faces, they won't love you . . . they hate you already . . . how I hate them . . . I _hate_ them . . . my baby, love yourself, as I love you, and only yourself, I don't . . . I don't ever . . . want you hurt, not like me, not like I'm hurt now . . . please, be my _shura_ . . . fight them all, show them all . . .

Don't ever bleed as I bleed now . . .

Do I look wounded, husband? Am I crying?

You turn from me, you coward. Go. Go die . . .

And all I have is rage, now . . . in this starved and scalded place within me, all I have is rage . . . how dare you, how dare you do this to me, to my baby . . . husband . . . don't you dare turn away from me, you bastard, what have you done, to me, to my baby . . . bastard . . . I hate you . . . I _hate_ you . . . you and this village, you've hurt my little one, my baby shuddering and screaming in my arms, against my chest and throat, you . . . all of you . . . go to HELL . . .

. . . whose voice is that, so strong and desperate? Screaming . . . my voice? . . . how raw and terrified . . . how dim . . . my voice, my voice is fading, gone raspy, weak . . . no strength at all in it, and what anger burns in me, burns without expression . . . and it is just my little one who screams now . . . I can't breathe . . .

I'm scared . . .

I'm so scared . . .

This cold room, this cold, cold room, no, why? . . . you've let my baby scream in my arms, cold, cold, I'm so cold . . . all my warmth gushing out, gushing out of me, pooling and dripping on to the floor, I can hear it, tip, tip, tip, monotonous, oh, God, I'm cold . . . shaking . . . I can't _breathe_ . . .

Gaara . . .

. . . my baby . . .

. . . I'm so, so sorry . . .

. . . avenge me . . .

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_Comments would be welcomed, thank you for reading._


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